When Lemon Cake isn’t Good Enough….
My mother-in-law made the best lemon cake. It was moist, sweet, with a touch of tart, and very lemony. It was an old-school, made-from-scratch cake with self-rising flour! I tried making it once, but it didn’t turn out quite like hers. Frustrated, I abandoned the recipe for an easier version that started with a yellow cake mix. My cake was still moist with a similar lemony flavor, but it wasn’t quite the same..
When my kids were growing up, I made this cake often. Then one day, my husband innocently remarked, “This cake is good, but not as good as Faye-Faye’s.” He immediately apologized, but the damage to my ego was already done.
We’ve all been there. We put effort into something, only to find that someone else does it better - or that others prefer their version over ours. Instead of celebrating the best result, we become prideful, discouraged, defensive, and sometimes, we just take our toys and go home.
That’s exactly what I did with my lemon cake. Convinced I didn’t measure up, I got angry and quit making it altogether. My family was kind about it —occasionally, someone would ask, “Mom, are you ever going to make us lemon cake again?”
It took longer than I’d like to admit, but eventually I came to a few realizations:
Lemon cake is usually delicious, no matter what recipe or skill is used to make it.
My family does not love me because I make great lemon cake.
I have my own special qualities and experiences that make me unique and special.
I need to accept my imperfections and stop expecting perfection.
And, I have to embrace my own path and stop comparing myself to others.
Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” His words ring even truer in today’s technology-immersed world. Every day, we are exposed to content that makes it easy for us to feel like we’re falling short—even though we are doing just fine. When we compare ourselves to others, we rob ourselves of the joy found in embracing our own path.
The comparison game tricks us into measuring ourselves against an impossible standard of perfection. Brene Brown reminds us that “loving and accepting ourselves are the ultimate acts of courage” and that self compassion is the key to overcoming perfectionism.
If you find yourself trapped in the cycle of comparison, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are enough just as you are. Let go of the pressure to be perfect. Replace negative self-talk with words of kindness and encouragement to yourself.
Overcoming comparison isn’t about eliminating these thoughts and behavior altogether, but learning to manage them effectively. Working with a life coach offers a supportive environment to explore fears, build new habits, and cultivate self-trust. With time and commitment, clients can build empowering beliefs that support their growth, unlocking their full potential in both personal and professional areas of life.
Side note: I spent countless hours in the kitchen with Faye-Faye, learning to cook and bake. But the most important lessons weren’t about food—they were about love. I watched her care for our family, love others with her whole heart, and gently remind me to be kind to myself.
“A moment of self compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” Christopher Germer
March 19, 2025
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.